Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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