I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We need to get me chipped asap
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
