i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
