Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
