Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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