I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Drunk is not a location!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
