i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize