Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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