I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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