what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
