I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
