i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize