so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
