He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
