I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
