Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is Oprah even human
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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