I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
