I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
