At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize