Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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