I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
