Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
