Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
