I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize