yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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