i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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