Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
