He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize