i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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