Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
