dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
