She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
