I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
