New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
