drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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