Got a toothbrush?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
