Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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