I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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