Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
