Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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