How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
