Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
