happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize