There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
