You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
