the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
