The maid of honor just puked.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
