Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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