the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
COCAINE IS GR8
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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