just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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