where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
