Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my shit smells like andre
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
