My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
