Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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