youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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