I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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