with your own penis?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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