bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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