BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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