The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
