So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
