Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
