Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
