I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
