Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
