so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
