went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
