dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
