After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
