after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
